Dear Baby,
Last night, as I was giving you your final boobie milk, I call it boobie milk, you started to play with my bra strap. What's funny is you did so with your foot. I found this to be highly hilarious and started to laugh. Which caused you to laugh. Which caused me to laugh more. We had our first giggle attack together. It was, for me, a sign of what's to come and it filled me a kind of joy I have only experienced since you entered my life. Bliss. A feeling of peace and joy and glee all at the same time. Then I put you in your crib, told you I loved you and you lay your head down to go to sleep.
Todays lesson is a hard one. Life, sweet baby, isn't always fair. Sometimes it will be awesome and sometimes it will suck. There is no rhyme or reason for it and sometimes it is all completely beyond your control. So, you need to learn to roll with it. It's what I try to do. I try to inhale and exhale and be like a duck. Water just rolls off of a ducks back. Plus, it can swim, walk and fly. Seriously, next time, if that sort of thing exists--then I'm coming back as a duck.
So, yeah, sometimes bad things will happen to good people. Sometimes people you love will get sick or get robbed or get into accidents. And, in turn, sometimes good things will happen to bad people and you'll be like "WTF?" Well, hopefully, you won't swear but sometimes swearing is appropriate. As is the case when good things happen to bad people. But, again, you just have to roll with it. Mind your own business. Stay in your own lane with you eye on the prize. The prize should be becoming the person you want to grow into. Each day you should actively try to take steps to become that person. And allow for that person to change.
I can tell you that I used to want to be a thick skinned person who would do cross word puzzles on the weekends. Seriously. Both of those were high on my list of "Things the most awesome version of 'me' would do and be." But I blow at crossword puzzles and don't enjoy them at all. Why was I trying so hard to do something that I didn't enjoy doing? It was only because I had this vision in my head of a "me" that did that. But in my vision I LOVED doing it. The reality was quite different. The same is true for my thin skin. I'm sensitive. My feelings get hurt. I am highly emotional. You, undoubtadly know this about me by now. And I always fantisized that I would grow into someone who didn't care so much. But after years of trying I've realized that, like my brunette head of hair that I used to wish was blonde, I was just born with thin skin. It is as much a part of me as my brown eyes and 5'1" stature. It is also, I believe, what makes my a good artist and good wife and good friend and hopefully, a good mommy. So, finally, I embrace my thin skin and realize that it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
So, as it turns out the list of who I want to be has changed. I love Scrabble and have thin skin...and, what's funny is, that by being honest with myself and more accepting of myself I am two steps closer to being the "me" I want to be. And the closer we get to that the closer we get to making peace with things around us being unfair. We might even be able to look at the unfairness as an opportunity for growth and learning.
Did I just blow your mind with all of that, baby? Let it sink in and know that I love you exactly the way you are.
Love, Mom
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