Lesson #1

Dear Baby,
Please don't grow up to be an asshole. I have been, at times, an asshole and I will attempt, in my time as your mommy, to teach you how not to be one. Ever. No one likes an asshole.

I had a very sad realization the other day. I'll never know my parents as thirty year-olds. I'll never see what they were like at parties, or drunk with friends, or at a game night, or slow dancing at a wedding as their thirty year-old selves. I know them now. I adore them now. But it would be so cool to be able to jump in a time machine and have a conversation with them then. Have a beer with my dad then...back when he was a smoker. And we'd share a cigarette.

It was this realization that made we want to start this "diary". Cause the thing is, Izzy, as you age...so will I. And while today I'm fun and cool-ish, who knows who the hell I'll be when you are ten, or fifteen, or twenty-one. Maybe I'll stop swearing for your sake. Maybe I'll get a bowl cut and never wear heels again. Who the heck knows?

So, I felt it important to write to you now. As someone in their thirties. So you could look back and hear my stories and learn my lessons now. Cause with time, I may forget who I was and I may surpass this rudamentary "me". So, learn now, baby girl. Here we go.

First topic? Bangs. Think long and hard before you cut bangs. Bangs are the Ike to my Tina. (Man, will that reference hold up? If google still exists or wikepedia or, dang, whatever crazy hologram technology please look up Tina Turner. And rock out to some of her songs eg. "Proud Mary", while you're at it. The lady kicks ass). So, yeah, I always think me and bangs will live happily ever after. That they will make my life better. So, I get them cut and every time they punch me in the face, figuratively. And I am made a fool. I then swear I will never do bangs again but, a few months later, I forgive bangs and think this next time will be different. In short, bangs have made an asshole out of me. Maybe you will be able to pull of bangs. But know that, unless they are swept to the side, your mother can't.

I love you...And stand up straight. I'm sure while you're reading this you are slumping.
xo, Mom